Of naming names & tweeting deets

It’s been the better part of a week since I left Primerica. It’s finally starting to sink in that I don’t have to go back. A woman I knew (I wouldn’t go so far as to call us friends. I’m only really friends with 1 person there) texted me & was like “There are a couple of jobs posted that you might be interested in!”. I texted her back & said “I wouldn’t go back there if you held a gun to my head”. I then reminded her that the reason I left in the first place was to go back to school. She apparently forgot that. I didn’t just give them the rage quit, even if it looked that way.

I’m sleeping better. I’m more relaxed. In general, I’m just a happier & more functional human being. Mark commented the next day how my body just seemed more relaxed even though I hadn’t fully accepted it yet. It was just such a toxic environment. Kyle’s (Jordan’s boss, so one level of supervision up from me) parting words were something along the lines of “Don’t trash talk us”. Too late, cowboy. Of course, it’s not trash talking if it’s the truth, eh? Now that I’m gone, I also have no qualms about using real names. What are they going to do about it?

Karma’s a bitch & it’s a shame I can’t be there to watch when they get theirs. Nothing in life is free & Jordan sure as shit didn’t earn where he is. I didn’t get an exit interview, but it’s not like HR didn’t know how I felt. I haven’t said anything on here or in my real life that I wouldn’t repeat to his face or in a court of law. The same is true for Kyle. Though he got himself in trouble for an off color comment he made that could have resulted in a sexual harassment suit. Teeheehee. Too bad it didn’t actually turn out that way.

On the entertaining side of things, if you follow me on Twitter (@RetroIndieQueen); I’m tweeting all the things they’re “paying” me to while I’m on my notice. It’s everything I do from 8a-5p EST. I’m not counting tomorrow, Thursday, or Friday. I’d already asked for tomorrow off, so the PTO kicks in. Obviously, Thursday & Friday are company holidays. So far they’ve paid me to take a nap, get a bikini wax, play around with new makeup looks, watch a fuckton of FBI Files, put together the paperwork to get my name changed, & play far too much Hay Day & Ticket to Ride on my iPad. If you want, check it out & be amused. I know I am.

Speaking of, I think I’ll spend the last 10 minutes of my “day” putting in the next disc of FBI Files. Then it’s “vacation” until next Monday.

Hope my U.S. readers have a happy, safe, and gluttonous Thanksgiving holiday. To all my non-U.S. readers, enjoy the rest of your week.


Of going to the church & getting married

So, I disappeared for a few months (almost exactly 3, but who’s counting?). The two major things that happened are I got married & I quit my job.

Mark & I got married last Friday, the 13th. It was perfect for both of us. I got my Friday the 13th & he got 11/13/15. We had all of 15 people & that’s including the wedding party. Let’s be real, we aren’t a fussy couple. Something big, loud, & crazy wouldn’t have fit us. We’ll get our fill of that next summer with my dad’s side of the family (God help us). We had one of our friends ordained online so he could perform the ceremony for us. He went to a bible college, so it wasn’t entirely implausible that he wasn’t cut out for the task. My matron of honor did get Mark’s middle name wrong, though. Whoops. Funnily enough, it’s his brother’s middle name.

Just because I love you, my fair readers, a few pictures from our shoot the next day. In a cemetery. How fitting.

And the news that I’ve been wanting to share for a while, but haven’t been able to; I quit my job yesterday. I’ve been miserable there pretty much since I got a new boss. I’ve been trying to find a new job since January & have been turned down every single time. After talking about it with Mark, I finally decided to get out of the industry entirely. At first I was hesitant because after 2 years, my licenses will lapse. Those were hard tests to pass & I didn’t want to lose them. I thought long & hard, then admitted to myself this industry wasn’t for me. It never really has been, but I didn’t have the education or experience to go anywhere else.

We batted around a few ideas & finally settled on going back to school for pharmacy. I’ve always wanted a job in healthcare & this seems to be the best fit for me. It’s going to take a total of 6 and a half years to complete the coursework as I have almost none of the prerequisites to even apply. Pharmacy school itself is 4 years. In the long run, it’s 6 and a half years vs. the rest of our lives. It will still afford us (literally and figuratively) time to start a family. This will be a much better career & I’ll be much happier in the long run. I may be ready to tear my hair out over certain classes or assignments, but it won’t be nearly as bad as this past year. I’ve come home from work in tears more times than I care to count. Hell, I came home from work in tears 3 days straight this week. Though the last day were tears of relief.

After all the bullshit that 2015 has thrown me, I think this more than makes up for it. I’m in a totally different place. I have a husband I adore who worships the ground I walk on. I finally “broke up” with a job I hate. I get the rest of the year off to relax & recover from said job. I don’t have to deal with any familial bullshit. His mom & I get along just fine. She’s only in the country 6 weeks out of the year. :P

So that’s where I am now. I hope that the past 3 months have treated everyone as well as they’ve treated me.



Of pix or it didn’t happen and oh yes it did

Now that I have a functional computer (read: I can have more than 1 tab open & the whole damn thing doesn’t freeze), it’s picture time!

There were 3 or 4 phones taking pictures. Apparently I was looking at the right one & he wasn't sure.

There were 3 or 4 phones taking pictures. Apparently I was looking at the right one & he wasn’t sure.

In DC on our engagement trip

In DC on our engagement trip

The money shot. Thank you nice employee of 13 Stories Haunted House.

The money shot. Thank you nice employee of 13 Stories Haunted House.

And the coveted shiny!

And the coveted shiny!

Confession time – I did know he was going to propose. I just didn’t know when. Being the well educated and wise man that he is, he took me with him to pick out the ring. The bands that he liked, I hated. As comes as no surprise, I had very strong ideas about what I wanted in a ring. I ended up with the perfect ring to go with my perfect future husband *holds out barf bag*.

I know a lot of my faithful readers are thinking “Wait a second, a calendar month from first date to proposal? Are you crazy?”. In short, yes. I’m crazy. He’s crazy. We’re both absolutely batshit crazy. We both know what we want. We’ve known that since we pretty much laid eyes on each other. I never expected to find him this way. I never expected to get every single thing on my “list” and then some in one tall, sarcastic, unconditionally loving package. Hell, I never knew he could exist. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible. But it happened. I feel like he’s never not been in my life. I know he feels the same way. I’ll spend the rest of my life with this man & I don’t question that thought for a second. That’s how I know I’m doing the right thing. And you already know I’m crazy. Let’s be real.

To end this entry on a laugh.

Something I never thought I would hear myself say:

“We really need to limit our HomeGoods trips”


Of British accents & retractions

There’s no better way to say this other than:


Now that we have that covered, I suppose I should share a little back story, eh?

I will need to retract my comment that online dating is bullshit. I got a message around the time of my last post here & he passed all the basic superficial requirements. A 6’3″ PhD wielding Brit? Yes please! Turned out he’s actually funny & smart & generally pretty cool. You know, all that silly stuff. ๐Ÿ˜œ I walked away from our first date with one very clear thought.

I’ve met my husband.

Lucky for me, he felt the same way. Now for the part everyone wants to hear. How he officially put a ring on it.

Last Saturday a week ago (July 25), six of us went to play zombie laser tag. A haunted house had set up their space so their actors were wearing the laser vests & everyone tried to not get infected / run out of ammo before the end. Once you got to the front & learned how to use the guns, they sent you to a little holding area. I turned around to give Mark (the future Mr Emily) my phone to put in his pocket. When I turned around again, he was down on one knee. In spite of my insistence on not being girly, I gave him the girly reaction he was looking for. I found out later that he told my dad right as we got into the holding room that he was going for it. Sneaky.

I do have pictures & I will post them when I get them on the right the device. Until then, feel free to use your imagination.

And for those keeping score at home – our first date was June 25. ๐Ÿ˜˜


Of showing frat boys how it’s done and blowing up someone’s phone

Wrapped up Week 3 of the Still Unnamed Fitness / Health Challenge. No change in either my weight or my measurements. However, I also totally bombed my food side. I didn’t have any green smoothies or pay attention to my protein intake. I also ended up having quite a bit of soda and massive portions of candylike desserts.

I have, however, noticed a change in my strength, especially in my arms. They feel a little more solid and I can get the tiniest bit lower in a push up on my toes. I’m still a long way from being where I want to be, but every little inch counts. I was able to hold a plank for about 40 seconds without resorting to dropping to my knees. I felt like a genuine badass for the rest of the day. It’s a 60 second challenge early on in my barre class. I got through the first week of Couch to 5k. I started Week 2 yesterday. The overall change is beginning to become more obvious. I just need to recommit to my dietary goals.

Yesterday was my dad’s 60th birthday. Considering there was a point we weren’t sure he was going to make it to 59, it was a red letter day. We played laser tag, had tacos, and watched Jurassic Park for the benefit of my friends who haven’t seen Jurassic World yet. Laser tag was hilarious. We ended up playing 2 games with a bunch of frat boys. We all teamed up against them and holed ourselves up in one of the towers. My purpose was scout / shit talker. Half the fun is coming up with code names. When you’re hit, the name of the person who hit you pops up on your laser. It became rapidly apparent that a few of these fine upstanding fraternity men couldn’t be bothered to come up with names (they were from GA Tech. I shouldn’t have expected any kind of creativity). At one point, I was hit by “Spencer” and started making fun of his name. He gets huffy and retaliates with “It’s just a game”. I simply giggled and ran back to my scout position. I can only assume that he took his ball and stomped off the playground. When I was talking to the “marshal” (the employee who has to sit in there for liability reasons) after the game, she said every time they get a group like that, she hopes they all lose. I told her what happened and she got a big kick out of it. Later my mom told me I shouldn’t have made the little boys cry. ;)

On a completely unrelated note – I learned just how annoying it is to have someone blowing up your phone. I’ve found that communication with someone you’re just getting to know is a delicate balance. You don’t want to harass them, but at the same time don’t want to seem uninterested. This girl messaged me on MeetUp, so I figured I would chat with her. She was practically interrogating me. She’d ask me a question, I’d answer with something I thought was pretty clear. Five minutes later, she’d ask me the same thing. Uh, okay? I use the app, so my phone would ding every time I got a message. I turned off the notifications and told her that I wouldn’t really be able to chat over the weekend (not a total lie). Now that I’ve been on the receiving end of it, I’m going to try and find that balance a little more. Ultimately, I ended up blocking her. Over the few days we were talking, she would ask me the same question literally five or six times. I don’t know if she was a little slow or just desperate to have someone to talk to or some combination of both. Who knows?

I’ve also decided that Sundays are reserved for sitting on my ass all day. Hello marathon of Criminal Minds and possibly a nap. Big excitement.


Of running like a princess and toning like a boss

Hello faithful readers!

I’ve completed Week 2 of my get healthy / in shape project. I didn’t do as well on the abstaining from soda & candy as I’d hoped. I’m not perfect (I know, it’s a shock). I only fell off the candy wagon once though. Soda caught me three times. I also didn’t have as many green smoothies as I would have liked. I had one & that’s better than none.

I did stick to my exercise goals. I went to spin last Sunday and barre twice. I was going to go boxing on Wednesday, but I gave myself such a raging tension headache, I ended up staying home from work. Long story. I also restarted the Couch to 5k program. I’m bound and determined to make the Disney Princess ย half marathon for 2016. I’ve got a reminder set on my phone for when registration opens (July 14) and I cleared out all the old data from last summer. I did the first day yesterday morning. I was quickly reminded how poor my cardiovascular endurance is. Jogging for a minute? No problem? [15 seconds later] *huffpuffgagdie*. Fortunately, my neighborhood has bike lanes and I take advantage of those. Unfortunately, those bike lanes are on some of the hilliest parts of the neighborhood. I’ll get to the bottom of the hill right as it switches over to the jogging section. Whoopie. Not.

The program calls for 3 days a week, so I’ve set a schedule of Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday mornings. I’m getting used to waking up at 5a and, rather sickly, beginning to enjoy it. It’s also finally hit the point where it’s in the 90s (30s for my metric readers) for most of the day. Going out and running that early is a lot safer. I found a barre class I really like that’s at 6a on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I think the combination will give me what I’m looking for. The barre class has a lot of bang for your buck arm work. I still can’t do a proper push up on my toes, but I’m getting there. The room has mirrors on 3 of the 4 walls so I can keep an eye on my form.

I’m noticing itty bitty changes in my body. My weight has held pretty steady. It’s only fluctuated 2ish pounds (1 kg) in either direction. As I’ve said, weight isn’t really my main goal. I’m prepared for gain over loss as my muscle mass increases. I’d rather take up less space than simply have a smaller number on a scale. I’ve lost an inch off both my chest and my waist since May 31. When I grab my upper arm, it feels a little more solid than it did before. My hips / upper thighs have refused to budge so far, but those will be the hardest to get where I want them. At least I haven’t gotten too frustrated yet. If I can keep up with my dietary changes, I think I’ll start to see real results in the next few weeks. As shallow as it sounds, I would love to see the muffin top gone (or mostly so). Of course, I’d be hard pressed to think of a woman who doesn’t want to see that part of her body flat / toned.

I’ll also hopefully have some exciting news in the next few weeks. I would be beyond thrilled if this works out. So if you have some spare mojo, finger crossing, or a goat to sacrifice, it would be appreciated. Okay, maybe just metaphorically sacrificing the goat. I don’t condone ritual slaughter of animals.

Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend. I’m off to finish inflating my new stability ball that will double as a chair. Party time.


Of upper cuts and balancing acts

Almost to the end of Week 1 of my personal fitness challenge. (Don’t ask me how many weeks there will be. I haven’t gotten there yet).

This week’s goals were:

  • Add: green smoothies
  • Subtract: soda
  • Exercise: 3 times

All were a success, I am proud to report. It was surprisingly easy to get out of bed at 5a, even on Monday. This week was boxing, barre (PureBarre specifically), & spin (FlyWheel). Boxing was a lot of fun. There’s something very rewarding about getting out of bed on a Monday morning, then beating the shit out of something. My legs actually ended up being more sore than my arms. Maybe I don’t punch that hard? He had us doing squats in between rounds (8 rounds of 3 minutes with a 1 minute rest in between). Chase that with barre the following day and by Wednesday, I literally almost fell when I got out of bed. I caved and bought some biking shorts after having bruises on my “birthing bones” for days after the last class. It still hurt, but I bounced back a lot more quickly. I seriously have no idea how guys do it. They also have seat pads which I’ll ask for next time. There’s no such thing as too much padding. I thought briefly about not getting out of bed on Thursday for spin. Then I thought “You paid $50 for those damn shorts. Get your ass out of bed”. Thus, the bed was unassed.

Soda was remarkably easy to cut out. I haven’t cut out coffee or tea, but I limited myself to 2 coffee runs this week. I only went on my rest days. Otherwise, I drank a massive amount of water when I got to work. I also got some fizzy waters to stash in my desk. There’s no such thing as too much fizzy water. I made a smoothie as my afternoon snack all week. They ended up more like a slushie because I was using frozen fruit. Adding a banana seemed to help even out the texture / temperature. I tried to be mindful of what I ate for lunch, too. I’m not going to restrict myself on the weekends. I like the whole 80 / 20 principle. I also start new week counts on Monday because it’s just easier.

I weighed and measured myself last Sunday to give myself a baseline. I haven’t set a “goal weight” or measurements. It’s more just a way to track progress. If I see any change this week, it will be minimal. Frankly, if I had a “goal weight”, it would be about 15 lbs under what I am now. That’s wildly unrealistic and I know it. I actually lost about 7-8 lbs when I moved after breaking up with Boy. I’ve been at the weight I am now, give or take a few pounds, since mid-March. Hrm. Everyone’s body has an equilibrium (for lack of a better term) when it comes to weight. I’d say I’m right about where I need to be given my body composition. Since the rational part of my brain is in charge right now, I’m fine with that.

Next week’s goals are:

  • Add: green smoothies, lean (mostly vegetarian) protein
  • Subtract: soda, candy (Bye, bye Sour Patch Kids)
  • Exercise: 3 times (I’m scheduled for barre, boxing, & hot yoga)

Watch what happens.