Of restarting the clock and learning to believe

And had a seizure yesterday. At work. In front of people. I’d made it a week without one. I was embarrassed as always. I can’t be too hard on myself, though. I made it a week without one on a quarter of the therapeutic dose. That bodes well for the increases that are coming. I should be up to the minimum effective dose come mid-September. I’m still learning how to not be so hard on myself. I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not being punished. My brain periodically misfires and that’s not my fault.

I can’t say I’m surprised given the stress I was unduly putting myself under. I’ve decided to put the online management classes on hold. My health and sanity come first. There’s a pretty significant lag time between being offered a job and actually starting it around here. When the time comes, I’ll take that time to work on the courses and show that I’m making the effort to learn. In the meantime, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. Clearly my boss and his boss are confident in my skills. They want to do it the right way and I trust their judgment. And as someone who was recently promoted to management told me, if I weren’t a little afraid, she’d worry. I definitely feel some relief by putting that on hold. I’ve already completed a few from last fall when I applied for my old boss’ job. I’m sure they can look that up and see that I’ve shown interest in the past. It’s not a matter of if but when I get promoted and then I can tackle learning how to do it properly. Speaking of being fit for management…

I got my schedule for DragonCon last night. They scheduled me for 10 hours over what I put as my availability. As with any volunteer scenario, I’m sure it’s a combination of attrition and the scheduling manager’s confidence that I can herd cats. I’m in the same ballroom all weekend. It’ll be nice to not have to hunt down different ballrooms every day. Boy and I won’t really see much of each other, though. I start my shifts between 9 & 10a and get off shift between 6p & 11p depending on the day and he starts at 7p and goes until 4a every night. I’ll probably head over to his ballroom and see what’s going on in there when I’m free. I get the impression that if you show up on time, do what you’re told, and don’t royally screw up, you’ll become a room lead fairly quickly. After seeing my schedule, I’m really, really glad I’m taking Tuesday off. It looks like I’ll be needing it. I’m very interested to see how much walking I’ll do. My pedometer is preset to a goal of 10,000 steps a day and I know I’ll go well over that. On an average day at work (so far) I walk between 7000-9000 a day and between 3-4 miles. I’m sure that contributed in no small part to my weight loss since we moved here.

Today’s list of things that make me smile:

*Wearing my current favorite outfit

*Brightly colored lipstick

*Tea

*Bubble baths

*My boss threatening to drunk text me over the weekend. I got a really good laugh out of that one.

XOXO!

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