I didn’t get the job.
And I’m okay with it. I was surprised by who they picked. Admittedly, I don’t know him very well, but we’ve had some interaction. He seems like a good guy and will probably make a good manager. I took the opportunity to talk to my boss, Tango, & the one who interviewed me, Kilo, and get some feedback. Tango suggested I learn more about the business. I’m very good at what I do, but that’s a very small part of the company. I’ve never really had the opportunity to learn more. Only recently have I started to expand my knowledge base. He admitted he’s not as far along in cross training me as he wanted to be, but life happens. He has 3 departments reporting to him and only 5 of us directly. He’s constantly putting out fires and dealing with the inevitable drama that office life brings. He’s got ideas and once I get comfortable with what I’m doing now, he’ll add more skills to learn. He also said another department would be a good place for me. He used to manage it and he said he’s been talking me up over there. No positions are currently open, but the shifting isn’t complete. It would offer a ton of opportunities to really get comfortable with the other aspects of the business. He also suggested I mull over why some people got promoted and I didn’t based on personality. In general, I have either a neutral or positive reputation among the managers. That was nice to hear.
Kilo said something similar, albeit more direct and detailed. He also said my lack of knowledge was holding me back. What he focused on more was the fact that I can come across as snarky. My boss is the same way and he said he’s had to curb it. I’m smart enough to understand sarcasm, but a lot of people aren’t. They interpret it as being rude or condescending. Kilo didn’t think that fostered good interaction, especially if these people are reporting to me. He wanted me to start on a smaller scale, get to know the people better, and build trust that way. And also tone it down a bit. Think before I say something or hit “reply”. How will the other person interpret this? I’m a rare breed at the company in that I’m college educated, very intelligent, and motivated. Most of the people I work with on a daily basis don’t have those credentials and can’t always keep up with me. I need to take that into consideration. Surprisingly, mostly to me, I didn’t get offended or defensive. I know they’re both right. I know how I can come off. And I know that I can be a snob when it comes to people I read as less intelligent than I am. That’s something I can work on. They’re not saying I have to change who I am, just dial it down based on the situation. It’s a lot easier to gain respect in a larger group when the small group who knows me already respects me. Neither of them said it wasn’t because I’m not capable of doing the job. They just need to prepare me a bit more and set me up to succeed. They ultimately have my best interest in mind and that’s saying a lot.
I’m glad I took the initiative to ask and get feedback. I think that will only make a good impression on both of them. They know I want to succeed. They know I want to move up. Now just isn’t the right time. Given all I’ve gone through in the past 7 months, it’s probably for the best. I don’t know if I could adjust to managing 20 people along with everything else on my plate right now. For the moment I’ve got it under control, but who knows what could happen. If someone had told me in January about all the shit the would go down this year, I probably would’ve hidden in bed until December. I’m a firm believer in all things happen for a reason. There’s something better suited to my talents and personality around the corner. It may be next month. It may be next year. This whole year has been an exercise in patience and I think some of it is finally starting to sink in. Things will happen, just not on my timeline. I don’t need everything to happen 5 minutes ago. For the time being, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. I get to keep Tango as a boss and I adore him. I’ll keep learning and expanding my knowledge. When the time is right, I’ll get my shot. And I’ll be fully prepared to take it and hit the bullseye on the first try (which I’ve quite literally done, but that’s another story for another time).
For now, I’ve painted my nails. I’ll practice my Italian while the top coat dries. Then I’m going to do some much needed stretching and a little strength training. I don’t want to hit silks practice on Thursday totally stiff and out of it.