From my dad:
His side of the family is notoriously judgmental. It’s something he’s had to work on curbing over his lifetime. I know I can be extremely judgey. If I think you’re less intelligent than I am, I judge you. If you participate(d) in Greek life, I judge you. If you’re into certain things or certain kinds of humor, I judge you. It’s extremely rare that I’ll change my opinion once I’ve made up my mind. If I like you, I’ll make any excuse in the world for you. If I don’t like you, you can’t do anything right. Ever. I don’t take time to get to know people (or situations) and see them for all their attributes, positive and negative. My dad reminded me that not only is it counterproductive, it’s a huge time suck. It also makes me come across as a bitch and that’s not my goal. Unless it’s in a work environment and they report to me, how they choose to live their life is none of my business. As long as they aren’t hurting someone else or breaking a law, it’s none of my business. I need to be more open minded and willing to accept what people throw at me. It doesn’t mean I have to be BFFs with everyone. It means I need to give people a chance rather than writing them off or not questioning them at all. I’ve found a lot of things, and people, I actually enjoy by being a little more open minded. I don’t have the whole picture and it’s not fair to class people based on a very small sample of who they are.
From my boyfriend:
One of his favorite mantras when I’m sobbing or frustrated is “it’s going to be okay”. He’s been telling me that since day 1 (or day 0 as he prefers :D). I was sobbing into his shirt last night over not being able to get the hospital’s online payment system to work. He told me it was all part of the plan. I said “but you don’t believe in that”. He said “but you do”. And that’s what matters. It’s easy to lose my beliefs and get a little sidetracked. I wandered away from them, tripped over a few things in the process, and let myself get wrapped up in that. Even if I can’t believe in myself some days, I trust him and I can believe him. I can cut myself, and other people, a little slack. I don’t have to constantly compare myself to others. The bills will get paid. March will be here soon enough. I never used the epilepsy as an excuse to phone it in. I get out of bed every morning and go to work. I take care of myself as best I can on any given day. I joke about my condition and situation because laughing about it is a hell of a lot easier than crying over it. I allow myself to feel, throw tantrums, and cry if I need to. And I apologize after the fact if I took it out on someone who was just an innocent bystander.
I know both of them would do anything in their power to see me happy, healthy, and successful. And I would do the same for them. Which is why I wanted to share their words to me with the greater world. I respect their opinions and their advice, even if I don’t always take it.
To end on a positive note, I got an email for a job interview on Thursday morning. I only applied for the job last Thursday. It was an opening in the department 3 managers have told me to move to if an opening was available. I got an email this morning directly from the hiring manager asking me for an interview. It didn’t come through HR which I took as a good sign. I later confirmed that’s a very, very good sign. It would amount to a lateral move so it’s unlikely I’ll get a raise. However, they have a ton of overtime available in that department. It’s expected that you work overtime, too. At my current salary and working an extra 10 hours a week, that would amount to an extra $17000 a year. For those keeping score at home, that would be significantly higher than the management position I was passed over for. Then there’s the merit based raises come review time which can be up to 3%. I know my boss has been signing my praises in that department, so we’ll see. On that note…
I got an email from a rep thanking me for helping him out and asking where he could send positive feedback about my performance. I gave him my boss’ email address and told him to send it there. That was a very nice surprise as I don’t consider myself terribly patient with the reps. Go me!
Tonight is going to be a chill night. I’m going to redo my nails, work on my Italian and French (my French is coming back really quickly) and stretch out all the kinks from contortion class last night. And I must consider what to wear for my interview on Thursday morning. I think I know and it’s been universally admired. Can’t hurt.