Y’all, emotional exhaustion doesn’t get the credit it’s due. It kicks your ass just as much as running a marathon.
I woke up this morning at the usual time for work and my body was like “Yeah right, bitch. This ain’t happening”. I felt bad calling out of work at the last minute, but there was no way I was going to be functional. I went back to sleep for 4 hours, then took another 90 minute nap. There’s the distinct possibility I’ll pass out on the couch later. The unholy combination of therapy, throwing up, the Facebook purge of photos, having a go at the insurance company and my doctor’s office for not getting their shit together over my pills, and then feeling like a total dickweed for yelling at the phone reps when I know it’s not their fault left me with next to nothing. I also took myself off a ton of mailing lists (Anthro, Free People, Bauble Bar, Julep) to cut down on my temptation to spend. Online shopping is both one of the best and worst inventions ever. I need to drag myself into the shower or another hot bath and clean myself up a bit since personal hygiene hasn’t exactly been my top priority (it’s gross, but totally true). I find that always perks me up.
I also took myself out of an online personal coaching group. While I like the coach and her philosophy, I joined on impulse when I was still wading through the DUI and epilepsy diagnosis. When it occurred to me the next quarterly payment was due soon, I canceled it. I don’t really need coaching. I have a therapist. I have my own intuition. I have plenty of people to bounce ideas off of if I need it. While it’s nice to have an impartial third party put in their 2 cents, I can get that for free off her blog. There are a million blogs out there with suggestions I can take or leave and cobble together to help me see things a bit differently. I certainly don’t need to be dropping $400 a year on something I can find for free (or already knew as the case may be). Given my new budgeting and saving goals, that doesn’t really fit into the grand scheme of things, especially when one has an expensive chronic condition.
I did treat myself to this because it is adorable and awesome. Who doesn’t love cats in costumes? Now time for a shower, more water, and clothes I could wear in public.