Alright y’all, I’m going to be straight with you.
I like being a bitch. I like the hit ’em where it hurts, twist the knife, then walk away feeling superior feeling. I like to doing it to people who have it coming. I’m not shy about it. I’m not sneaky. Given I have all the subtlety of a shotgun blast in a SmartCar, this comes as no surprise. If you piss me off or hurt someone I care about, I will use every trick I know to prove a point. If you’re being an idiot or just trying to get attention, I’ll gleefully knock you down a few pegs. You may prefer to pick on the little guy, but I’ll give you no choice but to face someone your own size. There will be no doubt as to how I feel or where I stand. There will, of course, be classless profanities thrown in for dramatic effect. As I said, it’s its own rush. I like knowing I’m the smartest one in the room. I like knowing that I can insult you and leave you thinking “What the hell just happened?”. That’s if the insult didn’t do a flyby entirely. I’ll let you parade around for a while thinking I have no interest. It’s the emotional payoff of a movie. It’s the scene where the asshole gets their ass handed to them. I take great pleasure and great pride in my own contribution to this. If you’re on my good side, I’ll go to the ends of the Earth to defend and protect you. If you’re on my shit list, do the math.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m working from home today. Clusterflake 2.0 is kicking into gear. It’s been raining / sleeting off and on. At first I felt guilty not going in, but my ride wasn’t going in either. It looks like tomorrow and Thursday are only going to get worse. Looking out the window at the rotating precipitation has helped, too. There’s a real possibility I won’t be back in the office until Friday. Fortunately, I can access most of what I need remotely. For as much as I just flaunted my bitch side, I’m still a responsible employee. I do have a reputation to uphold, after all. It’s the same drill only instead of a blouse and a skirt, I’m in rainbow colored knee socks, a penguin sweatshirt, paisley shorts, and frizzy hair fest 2014 on my head. Milan is calling. They’re dying to replicate my style for next season.
For those of you in fabulous weather, I am jealous. For those in consistent cold weather, I am also jealous. For the rest of us where Mother Nature appears to have developed multiple personalities, March can only bring better things. Right? Right?
As I may or may not have mentioned, I swore off mainstream media a while ago (CNN, Fox News, etc.). My level of happiness has gone up infinitely since I’m not dealing with a painfully biased spin in either direction of current events. As silly as it sounds, if something really major happens, Facebook and Twitter will take care of breaking the news. Like the announcement of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s passing.
Whether or not he set out to kill himself when he took his last hit, he chose to go out that way. Drug addicts know their limits. Especially if they’ve been clean or sober for any amount of time, they know just how much will take them out. Every time I hear a story like this and it comes out there was some mixing of alcohol and heroin or a speedball, it gives me pause. I haven’t had a drink in almost a year. I have no desire to have one. I was given a simple choice. I’d rather stay seizure free than have a drink (or 12) and lose my freedom again. It was a no brainer. Now that I’m getting to watch the whole show from the bleachers, I see a lot of my old habits in others. The root of it all is lying about how much or how often you use your drug of choice. Then those lies spill into other lies like why you didn’t come home last night or were late to work for the third time in a week. Sooner or later, there’s no possible way to keep the story straight. It doesn’t matter if you’re a heroin addict or an alcoholic. The lies end up staring you in the face and you have a choice. You can get your shit together or you can keep letting the drug lead. For every one I’ve seen of the former, I see two or three of the latter. Not everyone has the same cut and dry choice I had. Logically, jail time would seem to be a big enough deterrent. Epilepsy ended up having a positive outcome for me. It forced me to choose to give it up. Left to my own devices, I would’ve wandered back to it sooner or later. The DUI scared me out of it initially, but there was no finality to it. And the 15 pound weight loss definitely didn’t hurt.
On a more positive note, I spent 3 hours last night with my favorite drug of choice. I hadn’t intended on taking the hip hop class. I got there about 10 minutes after class started and the owner asked if I wanted to jump in. I agreed. He’s one of the new teachers and I’d watched his class once before. I really liked his style and he’s a very enthusiastic teacher. When I can drive again, I’ll probably make a point of coming to his class even if it’s not *as* convenient as the other location will be. I definitely got a work out in his class, cooled down just enough in ballet, then had to warm back up again in Bollywood. I ended up getting a private Bollywood class because no one else showed up. It was a bit surprising given the class has usually had 7-8 people. It’s always nice to get a little extra attention. She gave me a choice of choreography and we took an extra long cool down. I appreciated getting to have a conversation with her while we cooled down. I’ve been doing my best to show support for this location. I know it meant a lot to the owner to get it open. I’m just happy to be able to get in more dance, work with new teachers, and expand my horizons a bit. Also my new, more traditional dancewear came in. As I was trying it on to make sure I didn’t need to return it, I felt like my 16 year old self. It was a great feeling to look at myself in a leotard and tights and feel confident. I look forward to this weekend and walking in feeling a bit more prepared and on top of class.