I do my best to be open minded when I meet someone new. Having been judged countless times for my tattoos, the way I dress, or some other perceived privilege, I try not to do the same to someone else. It’s said that it only takes a few seconds after meeting someone to set up a positive or negative opinion.
I seriously question myself when I find out I’ve been duped. Someone sells me a Ferrari and I end up with a Hyundai. I’ll get along with someone and start to like them, only to find out they aren’t who they initially presented themselves to be. I ask myself how I let it get that far and what I could have done to prevent it. Of course I’m upset with the offender, but I’m more upset with myself. I do my best to present myself as authentic and I expect the same of others. I’m baffled when people prove to be liars or fakes.
Maybe it’s the former heavy drinker in me, but I have little tolerance for lying. I may tell a small lie to not hurt someone’s feelings, but even then I hesitate. It’s just not worth it. I always tell people I prefer to be punched in the face than stabbed in the back. At least if you’re punching me in the face, I have a chance to duck. In both recent instances, the person looked me in the face and lied. Not even a stretch of the truth. It was a flat out, no basis in reality, brightly colored falsehood. Their motives were entirely different, but the end result was the same. I wasn’t sorry at all to see them go. No permanent damage was done, but I’ll never give them the benefit of the doubt again. If someone asks my opinion, I’ll give an honest answer. I won’t give them the opportunity to fool me again. Boy always jokes that if he ended up being an evil clone, I would kill him after the first sign he wasn’t himself. At least we have that sorted out in our relationship.
Keeping it real and being yourself can be a challenge, especially if you aren’t sure what “being yourself” even means. In a world that demands perfection, it’s hard to allow the the less pretty parts to be seen. I remember in 3rd grade when we were going through our vocabulary books, my BFF’s favorite new word was “flaw”. It wasn’t a negative word to her. It was a new way to describe something without any judgement attached. She would point something out and say “there’s a flaw in it”. Looking back on that 20+ years later, she was on the right track. It’s just a way to describe something. There’s no point in lying to cover your flaws. They’ll float to the surface sooner or later. All in all, it takes a lot less energy to tell the truth.
Here’s to being honest with ourselves and those around us. *clinks fizzy water can*