Of learning how to fly and a very good place to start

Captain’s Log:

ClusterFlake 2014 2.0 – Day 3

We have spotted land! Dry land! The weather gods have seen fit to bless us with sight of dry land and freedom! Tomorrow will be back to normal. Work is open and I’ll be able to get there without incident. Several school districts are still closed. Though I believe they’d already planned that since it’s a holiday weekend (President’s Day for my non US readers). At least I’ll be getting out of the house. I made a point of getting up and moving around yesterday and today. I did a 10 minute circuit of lunges, arm hangs, medicine ball sit ups, lower ab leg lifts, bicep curls, & high knees. I was panting by the end of it. Dance does not cardio endurance make. Today we got out and walked to Waffle House. There may have been my entire caloric intake for the day in the middle, but it was about a mile and a half walk total. At least I was moving and wasn’t inside. On the exercise note…

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I started taking circus classes almost 4 years ago. A mutual friend was part of the performance company and suggested I try it out. As with most things in my life, I kept up with it for a few months, then got distracted by something shiny or other circumstances. When the program started, it was 4 silks rigged in a rock climbing gym with a handful of classes available during the week. Since then, they’ve moved to a new space offering trapeze, partner acrobatics, lyra (aerial hoop), handstands & contortion, and pole (not that kind), in addition to the fabrics classes. While I’m one of the longest standing students, I’ve been inconsistent at best. Moving, job changes, epilepsy, and life in general seem to always get in the way right when I start to see progress. I’ve always had trouble with upper body strength and beat myself up for it constantly. I’m comparing myself to former gymnasts and pole (yes that kind) dancers with a serious edge.

As soon as my shiny new license comes in the mail, I’m on the road again. I’m in a position at work where I can largely come and go as I please provided it’s about 40 hours a week. I’ll be living in one place, not constantly switching half my life from one location to another. I’ve fought hard to keep my “level 2” status. I’ve felt like literally starting from the beginning in level 1 classes is admitting failure. This is ignoring the fact I’ve lost most of the terminology and virtually all the technique over the years. In my vast amounts of free time to think over the past few days, I’ve accepted that my body can’t handle the more advanced work. I don’t have the strength or endurance for it. Starting over isn’t admitting failure, it’s accepting where I am right now. It’s realizing I get to choose where this fits in my life. Most of the girls who took the same intro class I did are now performing professionally. I don’t have to live up to that standard. I don’t have to keep up with them. This is something I love to do because it’s fun, it’s a good workout, and I’ve always felt welcome and accepted no matter what my level. Sooner or later, I’ll make it up through the ranks. If they’re performing, I’m happy to go out and support them when I can. I don’t have to match them pose for pose and drop for drop. It all circles back to self acceptance. This is where I am. This is where I want to go. What anyone else is doing isn’t my business. As long as I keep getting up, doing my best, & leaving what doesn’t serve me behind, I’m on the right track.

XOXO!

Of more winter weather and our dirty little secrets

Alright y’all, I’m going to be straight with you.

I like being a bitch. I like the hit ’em where it hurts, twist the knife, then walk away feeling superior feeling. I like to doing it to people who have it coming. I’m not shy about it. I’m not sneaky. Given I have all the subtlety of a shotgun blast in a SmartCar, this comes as no surprise. If you piss me off or hurt someone I care about, I will use every trick I know to prove a point. If you’re being an idiot or just trying to get attention, I’ll gleefully knock you down a few pegs. You may prefer to pick on the little guy, but I’ll give you no choice but to face someone your own size. There will be no doubt as to how I feel or where I stand. There will, of course, be classless profanities thrown in for dramatic effect. As I said, it’s its own rush. I like knowing I’m the smartest one in the room. I like knowing that I can insult you and leave you thinking “What the hell just happened?”. That’s if the insult didn’t do a flyby entirely. I’ll let you parade around for a while thinking I have no interest. It’s the emotional payoff of a movie. It’s the scene where the asshole gets their ass handed to them. I take great pleasure and great pride in my own contribution to this. If you’re on my good side, I’ll go to the ends of the Earth to defend and protect you. If you’re on my shit list, do the math.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m working from home today. Clusterflake 2.0 is kicking into gear. It’s been raining / sleeting off and on. At first I felt guilty not going in, but my ride wasn’t going in either. It looks like tomorrow and Thursday are only going to get worse. Looking out the window at the rotating precipitation has helped, too. There’s a real possibility I won’t be back in the office until Friday. Fortunately, I can access most of what I need remotely. For as much as I just flaunted my bitch side, I’m still a responsible employee. I do have a reputation to uphold, after all. It’s the same drill only instead of a blouse and a skirt, I’m in rainbow colored knee socks, a penguin sweatshirt, paisley shorts, and frizzy hair fest 2014 on my head. Milan is calling. They’re dying to replicate my style for next season.

For those of you in fabulous weather, I am jealous. For those in consistent cold weather, I am also jealous. For the rest of us where Mother Nature appears to have developed multiple personalities, March can only bring better things. Right? Right?

XOXO!