Of going to the church & getting married

So, I disappeared for a few months (almost exactly 3, but who’s counting?). The two major things that happened are I got married & I quit my job.

Mark & I got married last Friday, the 13th. It was perfect for both of us. I got my Friday the 13th & he got 11/13/15. We had all of 15 people & that’s including the wedding party. Let’s be real, we aren’t a fussy couple. Something big, loud, & crazy wouldn’t have fit us. We’ll get our fill of that next summer with my dad’s side of the family (God help us). We had one of our friends ordained online so he could perform the ceremony for us. He went to a bible college, so it wasn’t entirely implausible that he wasn’t cut out for the task. My matron of honor did get Mark’s middle name wrong, though. Whoops. Funnily enough, it’s his brother’s middle name.

Just because I love you, my fair readers, a few pictures from our shoot the next day. In a cemetery. How fitting.

And the news that I’ve been wanting to share for a while, but haven’t been able to; I quit my job yesterday. I’ve been miserable there pretty much since I got a new boss. I’ve been trying to find a new job since January & have been turned down every single time. After talking about it with Mark, I finally decided to get out of the industry entirely. At first I was hesitant because after 2 years, my licenses will lapse. Those were hard tests to pass & I didn’t want to lose them. I thought long & hard, then admitted to myself this industry wasn’t for me. It never really has been, but I didn’t have the education or experience to go anywhere else.

We batted around a few ideas & finally settled on going back to school for pharmacy. I’ve always wanted a job in healthcare & this seems to be the best fit for me. It’s going to take a total of 6 and a half years to complete the coursework as I have almost none of the prerequisites to even apply. Pharmacy school itself is 4 years. In the long run, it’s 6 and a half years vs. the rest of our lives. It will still afford us (literally and figuratively) time to start a family. This will be a much better career & I’ll be much happier in the long run. I may be ready to tear my hair out over certain classes or assignments, but it won’t be nearly as bad as this past year. I’ve come home from work in tears more times than I care to count. Hell, I came home from work in tears 3 days straight this week. Though the last day were tears of relief.

After all the bullshit that 2015 has thrown me, I think this more than makes up for it. I’m in a totally different place. I have a husband I adore who worships the ground I walk on. I finally “broke up” with a job I hate. I get the rest of the year off to relax & recover from said job. I don’t have to deal with any familial bullshit. His mom & I get along just fine. She’s only in the country 6 weeks out of the year. 😛

So that’s where I am now. I hope that the past 3 months have treated everyone as well as they’ve treated me.

XOXO!

 

Of non-confession confessions and wedding dresses

Time for the not-confession confession because everybody knows what I’m going to say anyway.

It’s hilariously easy for me to let my life revolve around a boy.

That said, it has begun to work in my favor. A former fling showed up. We met years and years ago, then lost touch. It was the odd email on my birthday or “Hey! I saw this article and thought it was funny!”. We started talking more over the past few weeks. The possibility of a rebound started to percolate in the back of my mind. Guess what? He’s not single. However, he isn’t the kind of guy where that might slow him down, especially given the relationship status of his current lady. In the past, if he started something, I’d be like “Eh, why not? So what if he has a married…girlfriend…thing?”. No.

I don’t share my toys.

I know open relationships work great for some people. I’m not one of them. I’ve tried, but I’m not the kind of girl who is into that sort of thing. I don’t want a guy who is into that sort of thing. Said fling is a known entity. Been there, done that (teehee!), and there would be no surprises. Except that I’m not the only one and I know I’m not the only one. He may be okay with sampling a few other things from the buffet, but I’ll sit here with my same ol’ cucumbers and ranch dressing thankyouverymuch.

Yes, I do want to get married. Yes, I do want to have babies. No, I don’t want to do it right this second.

In both of my previous long term relationships, the word “marriage” has caused many a hackle to be raised. When I was in college, it was a status symbol to be engaged either right before or right after graduation. There was a small pond next to the dining hall and if you got engaged, you got tossed in it. Almost all of my friends had been tossed in the pond by the time we walked across the stage. I felt horribly left out. It happened again when I reconnected with all my friends from high school (and made a few more). The bulk of that group got married in 2009, so not too far removed from our college years. Again, I felt left out. If they didn’t get married that year, they married their partner at the time later on.

The fact that the guy I was with was pretty vehemently against getting married only made it worse. So I looked at myself, wondered what was wrong with me, and lied. I said I didn’t want to get married either. What’s the point unless you want children or joint bank accounts? The point is I want someone to stand up in front me, my friends, and my family and promise to be my best friend and love me for the rest of our lives. I really, honestly don’t think that’s too much to ask. However, I’m not going to bust my ass to find the future Mr. Emily. Ignoring the fact entirely I’m barely removed from the end of a 4+ year relationship, it’s not worth my time right now. I especially hate online dating. I’ve know people who’ve met their spouses online or seen otherwise successful relationships. I’m thrilled it worked for you. I’ll pass. The future Mr. Emily will come wandering by sooner or later.

The same goes for kids. I want kids. I don’t approach them with the same fear I did before all my friends started to have kids. Being a professional aunt has gotten me warmed up a bit. For as much as I fancy myself iconoclastic, I’m a traditionalist at heart. I’m not going to have babies until I have a husband. Ideally, I’ll have had said husband for a while. I know myself well enough to know that I don’t have the emotional capacity to raise a child. I’m far too selfish right now. I’m pissy when I get woken up at 3a because the cat stepped on my head. I’d be even worse getting woken up at 3a, then having to get out of bed, sit for god knows how long to get the small human back to sleep, then try and get back to sleep myself. Thus, also, why having a husband is damn useful. Babies also aren’t cheap. I like buying pretty outfits or spending money on my hair. I’m not ready for the kind of financial commitment that comes with one of those little buggers. I will, however, love the day where I can watch my father playing on the floor with his grandchild(ren) pulling the same shit he did with me when I was young.

Just by allowing myself to watch the bad habit start to come back, I was able to use it. I don’t want to just be another member of the harem. I don’t want to compromise my own feelings and wants because some boy is either too scared or too assheaded to take the next step. I don’t want to have to lie about any of it because I think that’s what someone else wants to hear. As my BFF has beaten me over the head with for the past month – never settle.

Now Former Boy would always throw a fit whenever I mentioned I preferred to know how a movie was going to end so I didn’t waste my time or money if I didn’t like how it ended. He said you can’t enjoy the ending unless you’ve gone through the story first. For argument’s sake, the above is how my story will end. Now how am I going to get there? I don’t know, but I intend on having a hell of a (good) time getting there. I may not even have to take up alligator wrestling or platform diving.

XOXO!